i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
