how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
