please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
