I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
