I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
