...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
