Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
