I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I understand Curling. That high.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
