Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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