Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
