I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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