just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
