You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
