Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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