Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
