i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
