the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
