A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
