Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
