New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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