I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
