I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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