I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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