So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
