We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
