just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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