Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
