I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
where am i from again
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
