At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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