I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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