If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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