He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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