i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
