I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
