imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
