wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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