He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
