I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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