Got a toothbrush?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
