it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
