Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
organizing the empties. That sober.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize