dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This baby is an asshole
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
