wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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