it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
