Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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