Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
not ubering you a puppy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize