hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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