Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
then he tried to convert me to islam
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
