we have officially lost it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize