Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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