Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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