Pregnant stripper...not hot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
