I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
