and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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