Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
