What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
