i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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