Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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