D3 body, D1 cock
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We left an ass print on the piano.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize