she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
