I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
