I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
